


What I Already Know

by murmuresdevanille, sylphofkarkat



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Gift Giving, Idols, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9143479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmuresdevanille/pseuds/murmuresdevanille, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylphofkarkat/pseuds/sylphofkarkat
Summary: Makoto Yuuki knows he is a coward, and no one scares him more than Izumi Sena.Izumi Sena just wants to protect and support Makoto Yuuki.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A gift fic for my darling sheep prince, Emma!
> 
> Thank you, Sylphofkarkat, for helping me with the characters!

_ What I Already Know _

 

Makoto Yuuki knew he was a coward. He was never as calm as Hidaka-kun, never as collected as Isara-kun, and he could never even begin to think he was as radiant as Akehoshi-kun. Yes, Makoto Yuuki’s defining quality was his cowardice, he thought.

Still, it was a little embarrassing to be hiding out in the men’s bathroom of all places, his legs cramping from having to squat on top of the toilet seat for so long so that  _ he _ couldn’t find him.

_ Oh god _ , he thought.  _ What if I fall  _ into _ the toilet? How humiliating would that be? _ To be fair, though, if he were to choose between falling into the toilet or getting discovered by Izumi Sena, he’d choose falling into the toilet any day. Then again, what if he fell into the toilet  _ and _ was discovered by Izumi-san because he fell into the toilet? Makoto did not think he could survive the shame.

Flinching at the sound of his jacket rustling, Makoto pulled his phone out of his pocket. 17:30. Makoto realized that he had been hiding in that bathroom stall for about an hour and a half, ever since school ended. It should have been safe to leave now.

Just as he was about to get down from the toilet, he heard the bathroom door slam open.

“It’s not faaaaaair!” he heard a high pitched voice whine. “That stupid four-eyes ditched club today, so  _ I _ had to be Sena-senpai’s partner! It was so tough, and everything hurts because he kept missing the balls and hitting them at me instead of over the net!”

_ Himemiya-kun! _ Makoto realized with fear. It wasn’t that he was afraid of Tori himself, but… well, Himemiya-kun could be a little like a gremlin sometimes… Most of the time…. And if he was complaining about Makoto, well, he definitely didn’t want to make himself known.

“Yes, yes, bocchama,” Makoto heard a deeper voice respond patiently. Fushimi-kun was with Himemiya-kun, of course.

“I swear! If I find that four-eyes, I’m gonna hit him with my racquet!” the first year grumbled. Makoto heard the sound of the sink stop, and he sighed with relief when Tori and Yuzuru left.

He shakily lowered himself to the floor. After an hour and a half squatting on top of the toilet seat, his legs felt like jelly. Maybe Hidaka-kun would praise him, though, because don’t idols need to have powerful legs? He didn’t feel particularly strong right now, considering he couldn’t feel his legs. He would just have to pray that Izumi-san had gone home for the day already, leaving Makoto  to walk slowly home. Alright, he decided as he gently opened the stall door, a slow walk home would be best, especially since his legs were so stiff. Besides, it was nice to just walk sometimes, take some time for himself, to reflect quietly, and - 

“UKKIIIIIII!” an orange, blue and pink mass came flying through the bathroom door at Makoto. “Ukki, Ukki, I’ve been looking for you for HOURS! Where’ve you been? Let’s walk home together, okay?” Subaru Akehoshi bounced around so much that Makoto swore he was actually ricocheting off the walls. Akehoshi-kun’s antics and constant energy could be refreshing at times, but sometimes, like right now, he was plain tiring. Actually, come to think of it, Makoto had not yet forgiven him for the one time he tried to shove a banana down his throat, claiming it to be his “beloved banana” because “Ukki sounds like sounds a monkey would make,” even though Makoto did not like bananas in the first place. Akehoshi-kun really never seemed down, Makoto noted, and he smiled despite himself. Maybe his friend could not ever stay quiet and wouldn’t slow down enough for a nice calm walk home, but at least walking with Akehoshi-kun would be interesting and enjoyable.

“Oh, by the way, Ukki, the guy with seaweed head was looking for you earlier! He had a really shiny box with him, but he was a real meanie and wouldn’t tell me what it was. Hhhhhh, I wonder what was inside! He was really really bent on finding Ukki, though! He kept asking me where you were and what you were going to do after school today and tomorrow and when you’d be eating lunch and stuff, as if I know all this stuff!”

Makoto took back what he thought. Walking with Akehoshi-kun would not be fun at all. He had specifically been avoiding Izumi-san all day, and now even his dear friend who didn’t even particularly like Izumi-san was talking about him? All of a sudden, Makoto felt as though he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t a choking, no air kind of loss of breath, but more like the entire world was too stifling, closing in on him. Akehoshi-kun just kept prattling on, and Makoto felt lightheaded. He gripped the side of the stall door to keep himself steady.

Hokuto walked in, arms crossed. “Akehoshi, are you being annoying again?”

Makoto looked up, his eyes shining in relief. “Hidaka-kun!”

The leader of Trickstar smiled softly. “Yuuki, are you okay? You look tired.”

“It’s been a long day,” Makoto sighed, feeling the air clearing. “I’d just… rather not talk about Izumi-san right now.”

Subaru stopped for a second, but he pulled Makoto into a hug. “I’m sorry, Ukki! I shouldn’t have done that to you without thinking about how you felt.”

“It’s okay, Akehoshi-kun,” Makoto replied meekly. Honestly, it would be best if he could tell Subaru how he really felt, that sometimes, he could be so  _ damn _ tiring. Instead, he kept it hidden. He really was a coward after all.

As if sensing Makoto’s inner anguish, Hokuto also drew closer and lightly hugged his friend. He almost never hugged, so Makoto was shocked.

“You’re fine, okay, Yuuki? Don’t let it get to you.” Hokuto always had been more perceptive, calmer than the rest of them. Makoto wished, too, that he could thank him for that. That one day, he could be like him. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he never could say them.

He sighed internally. It had always been like this, hadn’t it? It was hard to say no, and it was hard to say yes. It was hard to say anything. He wondered if maybe this was the price he paid for existing. Some people, when they existed, they were brash and bold and so  _ big _ in personality that they seemed to fill up the entire room, that even walking near them was difficult because it felt like there was no room. People like the academy’s Oddballs, people like the student council president, heck, even people like Izumi-san. For Makoto to exist in the same world as these people, and to be expected to compete with them for space and attention and life, well, that was just a cruel joke played by the world. He was not meant for such things, really.

And yet even that wasn’t true. He once modeled, so he knew that stage presence was everything. He knew it when Trickstar, even though they were a new unit, got the crowd pumped up, knowing that  _ he _ was the moodmaker. And he knew it when, after a long day of practice, Hidaka-kun, Akehoshi-kun, and Isara-kun patted him on the back and said “Good work today! Let’s do it again next time!” No matter how hard it was for him to exist in a world full of such big and bright personalities, the world still managed to fit a little room in for Makoto Yuuki. Just enough for him to keep existing, just enough for him to keep smiling. He wondered if one day, he could ever expand. For now, though, would it not be best to stay meek and safe? For one more day, he would swallow his words instead of bleating them out. He would hide behind a facade and choose comfort over freedom.

Still, he dreamt of freedom. He dreamt of a day when Makoto Yuuki could be more than just a coward in everyone’s eyes, when everyone would see him shine as bright as any of the other students, when he was seen for his hard work and talent, and not just for his pretty face. Most of all, he dreamt of a day when he could stand up to Izumi-san, get it across to him that the Makoto Yuuki that he knew from his modeling days was gone, that this, the new Makoto Yuuki, the moodmaker of Trickstar, was better.  _ I’m not a model anymore _ , he wanted to say,  _ and neither are you! We’re idols, and that’s why we have to leave our modeling days behind us _ .  _ Because this is me now, because this is  _ us _ now. Because we are so much  _ more _ than what we were before _ . 

He wondered if he ever truly would say these things, or if they would forever be a dream.

On the way home from school, he thought about his life, how everything was passing so quickly. It had already been a year and a half since he enrolled in Yumenosaki, how had that happened? Akehoshi-kun, Hidaka-kun, Isara-kun, all his friends from the tennis team, they were all going to graduate and leave some day, and that was a scary thought. Makoto realized with a jolt that he was sixteen already, only a few years away from being an adult. What a strange thing.

As he walked, he hummed Cherry Happy Stream to himself. It was drizzling a little bit, but the rain was clearing up, and as the three boys joked around in the rain, the sun was starting to shine. Makoto wished that he could stay in this little bubble of time forever, with the smell of dirt and flowers wafting up from behind closed gardens, the misty, sleepy sunlight, and Akehoshi-kun splashing ahead while Hidaka-kun ran after him. It was safe here, and he liked it.

Unfortunately, the world hated him. The next morning at school, Makoto was early, and who should he run into but - 

“Yuu-kun!” the gray-haired boy called out excitedly, running up to Makoto and blocking his way through the gate.

“Oh, Izumi-san!” Makoto answered nervously. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now. He should have stayed at home a little longer, walked with the others.

“Where have you been hiding, Yuu-kun?” Izumi asked with genuine concern on his face. Makoto was flattered that he cared, but it was also a little weird because he was really close and in his personal space. He took a step back.

Izumi took a step forward, so close that their noses were almost touching. “I was worried about you,” he said softly, almost tenderly.

Other students were arriving, annoyed at the two of them for blocking the entrance to the school.  _ Staring _ . Makoto Yuuki was afraid. As a former model, as an idol, he should not have been afraid of attention, but now the attention was so unnecessary, so invasive. He felt like his body had been dissected and laid out for everyone to see.

“Ummm, Izumi-san,” he stammered. “Maybe we shouldn’t be blocking the entrance?”

Izumi blinked, straightened up, and glared at the crowd forming behind Makoto’s back. “Oi, get lost! We’re trying to talk, yanno?”

Makoto sighed. Izumi-san really was never going to change. “Can we at least talk somewhere else? Privately?” He didn’t want to go anywhere privately with Izumi, but what choice did he have?

_ I hope you guys appreciate this _ , he thought as Izumi dragged him along to an empty classroom to let the other students into the courtyard.

Izumi and Makoto stood quietly, facing each other, for a moment. The morning sunlight slanted in through the classroom windows, making little squares on the blackboard and casting shadows over the desks.

“Um, Yuu-kun,” Izumi said, almost shyly, so uncharacteristic of him, Makoto thought. “Look, I was talking to your friend yesterday, and he knew I was looking for you. I want to give you this. For Christmas, okay?” He took out a box wrapped in shiny golden paper, just like Akehoshi-kun had said. “Just take it,” he shoved it into Makoto’s hands. “Just so you know, Knights is still going to cream your unit, but… I’ll be supporting Yuu-kun.”

He stomped out of the room just as the first bell for students to get to homeroom rang, leaving Makoto wondering. “Was Izumi-san… blushing?” he wondered aloud before pushing the box into his own bag and heading to class.

When lunchtime came around, Makoto had almost forgotten about the encounter with Izumi-san that morning. As he dug around in his bag for his lunch, however, his hand grazed the corner of the box Izumi-san had given him. He pulled it out carefully.

“Ohhhh, Ukki! That’s the box the guy with the seaweed hair had! Did you see him this morning? Hey, hey, it’s so shiny, Ukki, can I have the box?”

Makoto shook his head, still focused on the box as he gently peeled off the tape and tried not to rip the paper. It was carefully wrapped, although the corners were clumsily folded. It looked like Izumi-san had put a lot of care into it, especially considering he didn’t seem the type to know how to wrap presents very well.

“Here, Akehoshi-kun,” he muttered handing the carefully unwrapped paper to Subaru. “You can have the wrapping.”

“Nice!” Subaru crowed, but Makoto didn’t pay him much attention.

He didn’t open the box right away. Instead, he opened the lid slowly, so slowly that he couldn’t see what was inside. When nothing jumped out at him, he tentatively put his hand into the box, his fingers just grazing over something soft.

Surprised, Makoto opened the box fully and picked up what was inside. In his hand, he held a maroon scarf. The needlework on the scarf wouldn’t win any awards, but it was very clearly a handknitted scarf, and it was suitable as a scarf. Unfolding the maroon mass, Makoto found the words “I love Yuu” were embroidered in white. He gasped.

Nuzzling it to his cheek, Makoto marveled at how soft and warm the scarf was. So that was what Izumi-san meant when he said he wanted to support Makoto. For Izumi-san to make something this soft… It was almost incomprehensible. Against his better judgment, he wrapped it around his neck. It felt like a hug, like Izumi-san was hugging him.

It wasn’t a bad feeling. In fact, he rather liked it. It was not as overbearing as Izumi-san usually was, but instead supportive and kind.

After school, Makoto swallowed his nerves. “Izumi-san?” he called softly to the Knights member.

Izumi looked annoyed at first, then confused as to who was calling him. Then, when he realized it was Makoto, his eyes lit up like stage lights, and he grinned widely. “Yuu-kun!”

“Did you like my present?” he asked eagerly. He was never this eager unless it was around Makoto.

“Yes, I did,” Makoto replied. “I came by to thank you. I really appreciate it, and your support.”

Izumi pulled Makoto in a tight hug. “Any time,” he answered. “I’ll always support Yuu-kun, yanno?”

“Thank you,” Makoto replied, hugging him back. “Even though I’m a coward, I’m going to do my best, Izumi-san. So, even if I don’t seem like it right now, I will try my best and become a real idol. Until that day, please continue to support me.”

Izumi nodded. “Of course, Yuu-kun. There’s no need to tell me what I already know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is okay! I checked it over quickly, but if there are any glaring errors, please tell me!


End file.
